I thought things would be different here... but they are not. They might be worse but I am too drained to really analyze the situation. I only contain the energy to simply feel the feelings that flow throughout like blood and give me this disease that makes me weep, that makes me seep to the floor of the shower until the hot water runs out, and even the cold, the ice ice cold does not sway me, does not move me, only emphasizes and cements these fucked up emotions I should not be emoting. All we need is love, but I have love, maybe not the love I want, but I do, which really makes these staples of society seem like shit and I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe this stifling air. I do not like meeting people I do not care for but must pretend I enjoy. I just want to be with the person I really do want to spend time with, to care for, to love, to kiss, to hug, to hold, but for some reason this person is never a reality but merely a dream that becomes confused and misinterpreted and calls me on the phone, voicing his thoughts that are mean and upsetting and make me want to cry.

Sometimes... I think these are not just angsty teenage mood swings, but the real deal, the disease, the disorder, the damned affliction.