Not really what it seems

Beautiful books put a smile on my face. So do you. But not you. No, not at all.

Sometimes I wish old friendships could be rekindled, reignited, reformed. We had something great and I feel like with our new selves... it would work better this time around. It amazes me how different we are. We are not even the same people. We are so much better and mature and older. We know more. We know better. We have made mistakes we now know not to make again. Well, whatever happens, you will always be with me in one way or another. That is the truth.

I cannot wait until I have the freedom to be completely on my own. I think I'm built for it more than I am for this.

I wish I had someone to lie in a field with, being completely silent or sharing our thoughts. Someone beautiful in all ways possible. Someone insightful. Someone creative. Someone who will let me take pictures of them. Someone who walks with their head held high. I don't understand the people who walk facing down. Be who you are because that is all you will ever be, don't you know that? Whoever we are deep down inside can never be changed. It is scary and lovely all at the same time. I remember when my deepest desire was to fit in. I now cannot comprehend why. I am who I am and I am happy with it. I would also appreciate it if people could figure out the difference between being shy and simply being quiet. I am not shy. Being shy is cowering away from everything. I do not do that. I am not afraid to talk to people even if I do not know them. I am just quiet and I always have been. I don't find it necessary to talk if I don't have anything to say. These days, the silence is filled with meaningless words and for me, it has taken the beauty out of speaking.