Do you ever feel as if you are not even living in your own skin? That your life that you are living is not really the life that you are living and you are only watching it being lived from the sidelines?
"I feel stuck. Does it get easier?"
Lately, I feel like I am wandering through life and I am not actually living it. I go through each day and they have all blurred together to become the same. The only things I am actually excited about now are my camera, my books, my writing, and my music. I complete my school assignments merely because they are a required [albeit tedious] task that must be met on the path to getting what I want (i.e, a diploma and art college after high school). Other than that, life is monotonous and I just don't have enjoyable human relationships anymore. But as Christopher McCandless tells us, "You don't need human relationships to be happy." And he's right... Even though I don't have that in my life at the moment, I can't say I am either sad or upset. But I can say that I am happy and that I am content. The beauty I have been finding in life completely makes up for my lack of satisfying friendships. I am just frustrated with people my age and their pettiness. And I am done with changing myself just so I am not alone. That is not fun and it has really lost it's initial amusement. I am completely fine with being on my own right now, and in fact, I prefer it for the time being. I do not need your pity, so do not offer it. All I can hope is that my peers get better as we get older, and I can finally find people I get along with! And who share my interests. It would be wonderful.
I don't want to be weak even if I am.
"I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong."
And I feel strong.
Au revoir.
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