Death is emotion, love is a potion

All to keep your life afloat.

Writing a novel is frustrating, heartbreaking, painful, saddening, happy, wonderful, beautiful, and amazing all wrapped up into the action of my fingers hitting the keys on the keyboard. I've figured something out: When I write a story, it is much easier for me to write a story out of my own thoughts, based on my own life. The times I try to take it all out of thin air and create everything out of magic... I want to throw up. You probably won't understand that, but that's okay.

Speaking of throwing up, that's exactly what I feel like doing right now. I feel sick to my stomach and my good mood of this day has completely vanished. My usual headache has returned after its two week vacation that I wanted and wished and thought was forever. Or at least a long, long time. Anyway... the cause of these feelings is the mere and petty fact that my mother won't take me to the library. I know, not a big deal, but that's the thing. It is for me. I rarely ask her for anything, to do anything for me, to drive me anywhere, to buy anything for me. I clean the house, do the dishes, fold the laundry, take out the trash, babysit my brother all because I want to and I want her to be happy and I know she's going through a difficult time right now. But she takes it for fucking granted. Instead she only notices the rare times I forget to do something or don't have enough time. Then I feel bad and sick and I get into moods like the one I'm having right now. (I am so mad, because I totally just lost my high. You know that high you get after you read a really, really, really good book and you feel happy and like anything is possible? I totally just had that and now it is gone.) So, I just finished the last book I borrowed from the library. They were all by the same author who I had never read previously, but now is one of my favorites. He is amazing. I really want a book to read at school tomorrow, preferably one written by him since he has about two more that I have not read yet. I ask my mom if she can drive me there for like five minutes so I can return these books and get the two I want to read. And she freaks on me. I'm not exaggerating. She freaks. I feel like crying because all I want is a book to read! Shouldn't mothers be happy their child is asking them to take them to the library? Jeez. Okay, I really needed to let that out, I feel better now.

"There's more to life than more. And there's more to life than less."

"You think you know your possibilities. Then other people come into your life and suddenly there are so many more."

^^^^ Things I want to remember.