Life and Death

It was gray. It was hard. It was cold. But it was nothing. Just concrete, which I guess is something but it doesn't really matter. It doesn't change the fact that she was lying on it. Writhing on it like a dead animal, which technically she is. Which technically we all are. We wake up each morning just a little bit closer to death. We wake up each morning just that much more alive. Her and I... we would have talks about things like that. Weird fucking shit that boggled my mind. Stuff I had no idea I thought until it came out of my mouth and into her ears. Her waiting and attentive ears. Such a good listener when it came to me. She was the only one who ever did that. I should have said thanks.

She once told me that life was just death, that living was dying. She said it could work the other way around too, but I never really understood it like she wanted me too. When she told me that death is life and dying is living, I told her she was crazy. She told me that yes, that was true, definitely true, thank you for pointing that out, but what do you think about that concept, that way of viewing life and death? I laughed like I always did when I thought she was joking, was being sarcastic. She never actually was, though. Everything was too real to her to laugh at. It makes sense now, that she's like that. It makes a whole lot of sense. Laughing is life's unspoken medicine. That was the one thing she never figured out.

When she told me that concept of hers, I should have said she was right. That she is right. That looking at life and death that way makes it all a little easier. I think that would have prevented this moment right now. Right here. Happening this very moment. This twisted creature on this dark, concrete patio. Something that looks so human and nothing like a human all at once. I would be scared if I was still the person I was before I met her. But she showed me too many beautifully arcane things about life. About the human race. About myself. It all changed something inside of me. She would just look into my eyes and tell me her thoughts. I could feel her thoughts running through me like water. Like my blood. She just seems so inhuman to me. I really don't know what she is besides a being on this Earth. A chunk of matter. A piece of energy. I would never call her human though. Whatever she is, she simply occupies a human shell. That's what I like to think. It makes this all seem like a science fiction novel and less like my actual life.